Dear David,
The time has come for another change in our marriage. This isn’t the way that I wanted it to be, I had no intentions of having to do what comes next. Yet for this to work, this is the way that it must be done at this time.
There has been tears of joy, laughter and a lot of love. Road trips, meeting your grandfather (what a WONDERFUL man), going to bed at 2am only to get back up at 4am for a meteor shower, the possum in Mike and Kathleen’s back yard, the best so far for me is meeting Regan. And so many other things that have been fun and exciting.
There has also been the hard times and I mean really hard. Your grandfather passing, your parents divorcing and my parents divorcing.
Unfortunately, the hardest is yet to come.
I know that I didn’t cause this, I have definitely learned that I can’t control it, and I cannot cure it. This is going to be your personal battle from now on, and most of the reason for that is because you have continued to make it personal and think that this is something that you have to get through on your own. You asked for my help but you don’t want it. If you wanted it, you would include me in it. Then and only then could I support you. So I’m standing here, STILL, but no, I can’t help you now. Only until you are ready to really understand the meaning of that word can I support you.
As you will see, I left you a gift on the kitchen counter this morning. I just want to say that I don’t want any explanations, and I don’t want “I’m sorry” (I will lose it!), just know that it was a choice on your part and that my actions this morning was a decision on my part. Nothing else that I have done has every brought out the truth readily, so to me this lets you know that I DO KNOW and there is no backing out of it.
I love you but I don’t love the situation as you well “know”. This will be your battle until you are ready to give up the reigns and let someone, ANYone in. Once you are really done with this, then, maybe we can love ourselves and one another again the way we did.
